infelicitous & ungrammatical
my important job today is napping the dog

my important job today is napping the dog

Woah everyone come visit my cute new Seattle house, we have trees and blanket nests and batman

ok on a positive note i REALLY LIKE the new place i’m moving to, it’s kinda old and weird and pleasing in the way old weird houses are, and the neighborhood is DEAD quiet and SO cute with HUGE TREES AND FLOWERS AND SHIT EVERYWHERE yes fuck yes

like normally i’m all “woo yeah adventure be spontaneous show up whenever” but like. 1. i’m TIRED WOW, and 2. you’re gonna be FUCKING WRECKED FROM DRIVE, and 3. i have NOWHERE TO PUT YOU

uh. so when you tell me you’re gonna get here “saturday morning” but you actually mean “like one in the fucking a.m. on friday night” that kind of makes it hard to plan around you. 

glumshoe:

This was my chemistry professor.

glumshoe:

This was my chemistry professor.

awwww-cute:

Surprise kiss

awwww-cute:

Surprise kiss

i want my big camera fixed and i want to take hundreds of hi-res shots of batman’s weird huge bulldog mouth

watching my brother in law eat roast beef with his fingers and then five minutes later watching Batman fervently lick the carpet. you go, Batman, you get that meat smell in your huge weird mouth

krabbydon:

"Does every sentence contain a verb?"

"That very much depends on your definition of sentence, contain and verb."

this is why nobody likes a linguist

incredible how weird al managed to parody blurred lines into a song i hate NEARLY AS MUCH WOW 

god, heck, there’s so much to do in seattle, and i’m like “hm let me… stay inside all day and play pokemon…” 

that special brand of hetero dudebro that really likes me and tries to express this by trying to give me nicknames and getting me drunk and watching me get into fights

was i trying to google the 汉字 for kung fu last night while high? is that why my google pinyin is insisting on giving me simplified? also is that when i installed google pinyin on the new laptop? 

agameofwolves:

By Zachary Kinion